Un-Dodo-Esque Confession
I must admit, I lied in the other post. Sorta. Kinda.
Yeah it's all exciting and interesting and flattering and all that, but really, it's just soooo not me!! Not for The Dodz at all!!
All this arranged marriage crap is gnawing at me. I think about it 24/7. I've been having constant nightmares about it all week.
Is there some sort of database in this country, where when a girl reaches a certain age, or reaches a certain point in her life, be it academic or professional or career-wise or whatever makes a girl eligible for marriage, and all this information is fed into a kha6aba-type (matchmaker) machine, so that her folks get bombarded with incessant phone calls inquiring as to whether their daughter (in this case moi), is up for sale, i.e. marriage?
Coz seriously, in all honestly, where did they hear about me from? How do they know I even exist? I think I keep the lowest profile ever, never go to weddings, or attend females-only type functions, hardly ever visit with family. So I can't really say I strutted my stuff half naked at a ladies only party type event and someone's mom fell madly in love with my tush or anything...
So what's the deal here?!
I'm thinking this guy is either well into his late 30's, or has some form of physical deformity. Maybe he doesn't have facial hair!! Or chest hair!! Or.. or... or?!?!?! Oh the horror, the horror!! I mean, who does arranged marriages any more anyways?! Why isn't he able to go out and find a girl by himself, why does he need his mom to do his dirty work for him!?
I'm up to seeing the guy, sitting down with him, having a chat, you know, the works. But the thought of ending up with a guy I know jack shit about is the last thing I, of all people, would ever want to get into!!
You see the irony here? Dodo, ending up in an arranged marriage?! It's almost comical. Actually I don't think it's funny at all. This whole situation's left me crapping in my pants :( And what's more fucked up than that is that I'm sitting here, giving all this a serious think!! It's the only thing that's been running through my head all fucking week long!!
So a few friends of mine suggested I do things like.. umm... not shave my legs and wear a teensy weensy skirt when he comes to visit. And mess up my hair real bad. And umm.. really hideous white clown makeup. But then it'd be obvious that I was doing all this on purpose, and he'd only enjoy the show and come back for seconds coz he'd have caught on :(
Or I can be really nasty, a la Japanese girl in Babel, show him my hairy monster while I lick my lips in a perverted way, crossing uncrossing my legs a la Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but in a bad way, what with my hairy legs and all. Ooooh I'll top it off with white nurse stockings and my jet black, wiry fuzz peaking through.
Hmmm...
Or maybe I'll just go with the black and white Egyptian movies trick... come into the room with the drinks tray, and I'll wear 12 inch high stilettos (I can't walk in heels if my life depended on it), and exaggerate the shaking, only to spill everything on his brand spanking new clean white dishdasha. But that one's been overused so I'm not so sure it would work :(
I got a serious jitters issue. Why did this have to happen to me, and now?!?!?! Do you realize what this could mean?! No Aussie for me!!! And there's no way in hell I'm delaying or changing or putting my plans off for no one. NO ONE. If this isn't bad timing I seriously don't know what is :(
Maybe I'll just show him my array of piercings. That should scare him off.
Girls, any advice, pointers, anything?!
OK besides how to scare the poor sod off and getting rid of him. What do you talk about in those first few minutes when you first meet the wannabe-groom?! What do you ask, what don't you ask, what do you saaaaay?! I think this must be the most awkward most uncomfortable situation any girl would go through in her life, ever.
Imagine the guy might not even know his mom is going around wife shopping for him. Wouldn't that be a hoot?!
I'm giving myself a massive migraine here :(
posted by Extinct Dodo at 3:59 PM
10 Comments:
dodo dear dodo
just say NO :)
sit with the guy, maybe he'll be drop dead gorgous and u would have wasted a couple of hours of ur life with eye candy
then go bak to yo mama n say NO.
its totally normal to feel the jitty jitters.. and i think he'll steer the conv. u dont really have to think about it, just sit there n look pretty :)
and do NOT act like a whack job. Be charming, and then say ma abeeeeh :)
mabrouk dodo!! ask him about his salary :P act like a gold digger that should scare him off!!
i would recommend being your self and ejoy it!!
i know a girl who tried to scare a guy away with things like:
-abi mahar X0,000 KD
-abi bait
-abi SL (tawa kan nazil)
-abik et7e6 ur last name on ur civil ID (yeah, imagine!)
-abik tsawey zera3at sha3ar
needless to say, he freaked out.. but he was telling everyone she's a gold digger and stuff..
Anyway, that arranged marriage thingie happened to me a few months ago. I looked good and everything, but when I was sitting with him and his mom kan anfas minny mako.. 7ad el nafseya, barely a smile. He STILL wanted to go ahead with it, but I told my mother no way.. no no no no way. and next time if someone calls u, mom, tell them i don't want to get married any time soon. I didn't want this guy to come either, but my mother set everything up and told me a day before. I was pissed...
dodo! why in the world did u agree to see him then?
If u know u dont want to get married, then mala da3y tshofena ;/ why put urself thru that ordeal?
all u need is just to let him see u and he will jump out the windoW..!!
kakakakaka XD)))))
and how they knew abOut u ..??
do u think one of the " guy's " u hang out with will marry u..? :(
for " bidwiah " girl like u ..this is the best thing ever gonna be about ur life ..zain lech ba3ad..!
waaaaaayyyyyyy XD)))))))))))))
arranged marriage 3ad!
Okay, this might sound extremely hypocritical having it come from a chronic marriage-phobic like myself, but for the heck of it, isn’t there a tiny, itsy, witsy bit that you might actually like the guy?
What if there's a 0.00001%, chance that he might be a bit, just a liiiiitle bit nice?
I say, always hope for the best and expect the worst.
Good luck, mabrook, and allah y3eenik min jidd, Batta.
NO NO NO :)
I would say get to know him well before committing yourself to marriage with a total stranger.
You never know you might end up liking the guy but be honest and be yourself. It doesn't matter whether this is arranged or not, to me it's how you can both reach an understanding of some sort.
Most important, ask yourself if this is the guy you want to live with for the rest of your life and you should really know if he's willing to accept you the way you are. Go out together and exchange numbers too if you have to but give him a chance.
Congrats anyways.
like i said u dumdum ...
why dont u just sit with the guy?
try to be optymistic! why is it u have bad thoughts only?
ba3dain as said in the pic ..... maybe he does have alotta cash? i wouldnt mind marrying him
like i said .. give the guy a chance and most importantly GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE !@!@!!
u cant lose anything in this .. u can only gain !
another wise crack is ..
dont judge a book by its cover :p shfeeny :) wow im so wise ..
Why dont u marry me instead !!
no for real .. why dont u ?
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