Cutter Mantra
I went into hibernation overdrive this weekend. Around 72 hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. In the meantime a friend of mine had taken my Stevie to get him fixed. Anyone notice I was away for the past few days? :P I got Stevie back on Monday, sounding sweet as ever.Lately I've been unable to sleep. At all. I toss and tumble and turn all night long. I've been restless, anxious, nervous, agitated, irritated. And when I do eventually sleep and wake up, I find myself listless and lethargic; a ticking walking talking time bomb. Everything gets on my nerves lately. It's only a matter of seconds before I explode. It did get ugly a couple of times in school this week.. And I haven't seen mom since Wednesday to avoid a confrontation and the inevitable "are you on drugs" question. I know that interrogation would be the final stroke.
So the other night, I was tossing in bed as usual. And something caught my eye in the dark. Something green, and hideously, unnaturally luminous.
Green on my wrist has never been more enticing. Green on my wrist has never been more enticing. Green on my wrist has never been more enticing. Green on my wrist has never been more enticing. Green on my wrist has never been more enticing.
My soothing mantra.
I finally dozed off.
I'd like to slice into that prominent green "Median vein". Just for the 'hell' of it. Is it fragile and would it 'shatter' should I attempt to 'pull it out' of my arm? Just a thought really... A little bit of 'harmless' experimentation never hurt anybody now did it?
I'd like to slash away at something living.. beating.. pulsating..
And watch the life drain out of it... watch it come to a slow, rhythmic stop
Don't get me wrong. I don't have a death wish. I just have this infatuation with everything morbid, the macabre. I've never been a cutter, never even considered it, nor would I think of myself as someone with suicidal tendencies. But it's sooo not me.
It's just not my thing.
Yet lately, that green has been calling out to me in the wee hours of the night, beckoning...
Tempting
Coaxing
Luring
There's something missing.. A void I can't seem to be able to fill...
posted by Extinct Dodo at 12:51 AM
11 Comments:
ur one weird one wallah!
ana 5abir people have one fetish, maybe too,
bas i guess there is always someone who breaks the rules :P
i forgot to add.. when u get the grams.. gimme the grams il teach u to shoot up :P
cheers
Whatever You Wrote is So So SO Sexy, Mashallah 3aleich Fananaaanah ;)
wooow there!!!
dont look at it
dont think it
manythings are tempting ,, hell sometimes i feel like driving over kids or u know ,, live things ...
we do have evil sides in uslol
but i always put it on a leash ,, i know its there somewhere ,, but im not leavin it out to wonder around .
sooooooooo babes u do the same
btw miss u :*
Dodo, you're scary.
Just add chocolate.
woah hun, relax lol
*hugs and tickles* :p
call ya intay if u need anything or if u need to vent, let's talk :D
E7em, ur talking about slashing ur veins right? I think I'm slow. Take Panadol night enawem :P
P.s Yes I did miss your presence
My roomate in college was a cutter. She died recently. I am afraid to ask how. I think I already know. Ygoloonlich bain il9aa7i wil maynoon sh3ara. Te3awithay min iblees and get some professional help la yzir 3aglich marra wa7da.
Glad you're writing though. It's a great outlet.
yazeez... are you trying to say you dont have any fetishes whatsoever?
poor boy, you break my heart
abadi... we need to hang out soon; as soon as your *time out* is over LOL i miss you yal 5raish :*
anonymous... like i said, you're an idiot :P
no3ik... lots of things tempt me too, especially when im behind the wheel. everything looks like potential roadkill to me hhahahhahaha darn it im so evil arent i
my evil side is much more conspicuous than my good side i guess, i always have nasty evil thoughts, but i never said anything about acting out on them :P thank goodness pandora's box is under lock and key hehehhe
coolfreak... and you like that dont you :P LOL
3baid... chocolate makes everything better :">
iverson... afa emo :( necrophilia mara wa7da 3ad? hmm thats extreme even for me. i like the road that leads to it better than the actual final cadaver better ROFL
swair... LOL i AM relaxed :P shfeech, im cool. are you trying to tell me you've never been tempted, never thought of doing something stupid? :P
perfect stranger... awwwww thank you :* hehehe i found something better than panadol. WARM MILK AND BANANA!! with a few digestives of course hehehehe:">
1001 nights... ouch allah yir7amha. and hey dont worry about me i'd never do anything stupid, it was just a fleeting thought. boredom does the craziest things to people LOL
i was tempted to take 3 panadols at once... that's as far as i could go LOL
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