Never Mess With An Angry Fat Cow

Lately I feel like the world is ganging up on me. No, seriously. A few weeks ago I went for a photo shoot, and the pictures came back HORRID. Not because the photographer was bad or anything, but I LOOKED LIKE SHIT. There was not one single picture where I didn't have a frigging double chin. This year I'm really loading up the pounds.

So anyway, I decided to go on a diet. I've been starting a diet every Saturday and ending it no later than Sunday night, for as long as I can remember. Someone told me about that diet place in Muhallab, and when I went, it was closed. Just my luck.

During election day, I was in Bin Tifla's election tent in front of the school where women were voting, and I was hanging out with the old ladies who'd come to sit in Bin Tifla's tent under the ac and enjoy a cool bottle of water and sweets. Anyway, one of the women called me takhtookha as she handed me a KDD ice-cream cone. Then she proceeded to tell me about how fabulous Hadi hospitals diet plan was, and the fact that their food came from Le Notre. It's like she could read my mind about me wanting to lose weight, but being the sadistic old woman that she is, she couldn't stop herself from wanting to see me stuff my face with ice-cream. She sure enjoyed watching me :| And they kept handing out the ice-cream. And I kept shoveling the stuff down my gob :|

I called Hadi hospital, and they told me I had to do all these blood tests. So I did. Then I call them back and they tell me the nearest appointment is two fucking weeks away. Aaaaaargh

I was chatting with D'n'G the other day about those diet programs that deliver food to your home, and what she told me disheartened me greatly. It was something about the food tasting bland and portions so small she had to save breakfast, lunch, and dinner, just so she can eat them all together at once. Portions were that inadequate!

I thought the only option I had now was to go back to my trusty chemical diet. I remember the first time I went on it, I lost around 20 kilos in a month! But it took so much work and effort. The only reason I stuck with the program was because I needed to fit into my prom dress. Hahahaa. But it worked, so yeah I was happy with it.

Todays scheduled dinner was supposed to be two boiled eggs, salad, a piece of brown toast, and a glass of orange juice. But of course something had to go wrong.

The maid comes and asks me what I want for dinner. I give her the list and she scampers off. The bitch waited 'til it was 11, and everyone was back home and not in the mood to pass by the co-op, to tell me that we didn't have any eggs. Anyone who's been on this diet knows how important it is to stick with the program to the t, and not change a single thing, or else risk the entire program going down the drain. I'm still reeling from being so upset. What ticked me off even more was my mom, who, for the past few weeks, refused to buy any goodies for me, in an effort to encourage me to shed some pounds. She couldn't even fucking get me my fucking eggs. That did it. That was the final stroke :| I could hardly contain my anger, and barely held back the tears.

In an attempt to make everyone feel guilty for what they'd done to me, I ended up having fries and fish fingers with plenty of salt and ketchup and tartar sauce. With every bite I could feel my cheeks flush hotter and redder with anger. I was so damn frustrated. I really didn't want to eat that stuff. I want to lose weight :(( I ended up torturing myself and feeling sick, more than I'd made anyone feel sorry for me. How pathetic. Wallah I feel like the world wants me to stay fat and double-chinned for the rest of my life.

Gotta go to the ladies room and stick my finger down my gob. Laters y'all.