The Epic Tale Of The Yo-Yo Bugger

I feel a goooooooood vibe coming on! And for all the wrong reasons too! Whoopty-doo!
Alrighty then, my limited club of fans.
Im sure someone, anyone, is gonna relate to this story in one way or another. This is how it starts off..

Once upon a blue moon, Boogie was feelin her usual bored, crappy self, when Tamtam decided to call her and ask her to go out, run a few errands. Boogie was in no mood to be seen by anyone of the general Kuwaity public, but after a few minutes of whinning and refusing on Boogie's part, Tamtam finally managed to convince Boogie to go out. It might do Boogie some good too, smell some fresh Kuwaity air, see the beautiful Kuwaity sights.
Anyhoo, Boogie immediately started to feel relaxed, when she got in the car with Tamtam and Tamtam complemented her on how damn fiiiiiiiiiine Boogie's hair looked today. Gush. And the good vibes started to get stronger, when Tamtam played a few golden oldies, of which were a few all-time favourites of Boogies, including Dirty Diana, by Michael Jackson, and a few other amazing ass-shaking numbers. Tamtam had a weekly appointment with her dietician, and since there was a long cue of your average fat-Janes, Boogie and Tamtam proceeded to browse through some of the magazines that were lying around, hoping to find some mind-boggling articles to read to waste the time. And they were mind boggling alright! They came across a magazine called 'New', and oh the shock! The horror! This magazine was aimed, they guessed, at the mainstream Kuwaity youth. By youth, Boogie and Tamtam mean 'intellectual' college kids. Intellectual? Hah! The magazine was mainly full of intriguing polls for intellectual college kids to use their cobweb-covered brain clogs and come up with answers to the problems and concerns of the Kuwaity society. One poll Boogie and Tamtam cracked up over was as follows:
'Can you tell the difference between fake and original merchandise?" The answers these wiz kids came up with were so shocking! No one could have possibly come up with more ingenius solutions to this catastrophic shock-wave of a problem that was hitting kuwait!
The audacity these people have to even bother thinking of a reply to this spastic question is totally beyond me! Boogie decided to save this rare gem of sophisticated, earth shattering, news breaking literature, so she can flip through it the rest of the day, and see what wealth of knowledge she can get out of it. Heck, she might even become a better person because of it! Talk about self improvement.. LOL!
By now you're probably thinking what any of this has to do with yoyo buggers. Im getting there. After Tamtam was done with her dietician, she decided that she wanted to go to Arraya because she had some unfinished business to take care of (as in return some clothes.. why do you always have to think its something negative?!) Anyways, after Tamtam was done, Tamtam decided to try out the much-talked-about Burger Boutique. Boogie was trying to go on a diet, but couldnt resist trying this place out. People talked about it like it was a burger orgie! Burgers so good you'd get a flipping orgasm! Things smelt fishy the moment the indian waiter dude decided to swagger across to the gurls and 'subtly' hit on Tamtam. As if they didnt feel out of place enough as it was! And of all people, an indian waiter! Yes, this narrator is very very very racist and bias. Get over it.
Let me explain. Arraya is very much a Salhiya Complex wannabee. The place where the aristocratic, 'creme-de-la-creme' of kuwaity society hang out. Boogie and Tamtam were just your average gurl next door, bourjois type of chickas. And they definately did not fit in in a social setting were it was considered taboo to even think of smiling, or even laughing out loud for that matter. For Gods sake people. Lighten up! Actually, get a fricking life!
So Boogie and Tamtam take a seat in their booth, and flip through the menu. The place was nice and casual. And the prices were decent. Its just that a cool, funky, hip place like this doesnt deserve the disgrace of being placed in snobby Arraya. After much consideration, Boogie and Tamtam place their orders, and while they waited for their food to arrive, they did what any other average gurls would do, and checked the place out. By checking out, they mean criticizing every stuck up, pole up the ass, full of thyself person that went by. Especially the stereotypical perfect couples. Ugh. Do these people even talk to each other at all? Judging from the grim Kabuki masks they wear on their faces, they must be the most miserable, indecent, two-faced snots that ever graced the planet with their pathetic existance.
So the food arrives. And as Boogie had presumed, it was so over-rated it wasnt even funny. But then again, what new hangout in kuwait isnt? You aint a 'real' kuwaity citizen til you've been to one of these strictly 'posh & elites' places.
In circumstances and places like these, a thought always pops into Boogies mind. She immediately remembers the theme of her all-time favourite movie 'Cat On A Hot Tin Roof', starring Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman and Burl Ives. Burl Ives, as 'Big Daddy', rants and raves about mendacity and how people put up a front, a show, to suck up to his fat ass and please him before he dies, so they can get a share of his fortune in his will. What do people expect to achieve when they act like string puppets? Who are they trying to please? How could they just trample on the itty bitty voice inside them thats trying to scream 'LET ME OUT.. THIS IS NOT FOR ME!! IM NOT THIS PERSON I SEEM TO BE!! HELP ME SET MYSELF FREEEEEEEEE!!' Dont these people know that average Janes and Joes like Boogie and Tamtam caught onto their lame ass game a looooong time ago?
Im getting off track. Back to the burgers. Having a seriously aggrevating time trying to eat her burger with her hands and not letting anything fall, trying her very bestest to hide the slop that she is, Boogie gives up and eats her burger like the wild, untamed beast that she is so well accustomed to being. And Tamtam does the same. Problem is, although Boogie could eat as sloppily as she wished, since her back was to the rest of the people lunching at the place, every minute action Tamtam made, every tiny detail, was being spyed upon, and ultimaletly, mocked and mimicked by the other Boutique customers. It gave Boogie an eerily unnerving, restless feeling. Trying to lighten the situation up, Tamtam picks up a raw onion ring and wiggles it in Boogies face, and with a hint of perversion in her expression and tone, asks Boogie what that onion reminded Boogie of. 'YOYO BUGGERS' screeched Boogie. 'You know, when you're in the middle of an exam and you've had your head down so long staring at that damned question you never seem to be able to answer, and the inevitable yoyo bugger decides to show up. And as always, you dont have any tissue with you! So what do you do? You decided to play yoyo bugger! Yoyo bugger, where you let that bugger go down as low as you can get it to go without touching your exam paper, and then you snort it all back up!!!!'
Tamtam couldnt help but have a hysterical fit. Boogie decided to join in the fun and the two went on laughing like they were a pair of insane hyenas. Although Boogie could feel the burning stares on the back of her neck, she couldnt help but be the looney bin that she already is, and had not a care in the world what the snob-fest was thinking of her and Tamtam. This was soul food! These are the times you'll look back on and say 'i had soooo much fun'. This is MEDICINE, people. YOU HEAR ME? You wont be looking back at the time you went strutting down Marina Crescent and what not, striking poses for the local ass-wipes. Its these fun times you had just hanging out and being your plain old self with your best friend that'll stick in your memory for ever and ever, AMEN!
The drama doesnt end here. Theres a little left to unfold. Tamtam had invited Boogie to the Boutique, and wasnt carrying cash. So of course, she had to go inside and use the K-NET machine. Boogie couldnt help but tease and say, 'did they ask you to see the manager, because being the regular flat-out broke bum that you are, you couldnt even pay for their royal blueblooded, holy cow burgers'? Heave-hoe.


P.S. if you did relate to this story, feel free to change the names of the characters, add and what not, as you see fit.
Tadaa!